Vicissitude
by noplacelikeholmes
Summary: Revolution against Britain is close. Some are trying to enjoy their remaining childhood while they can before being possibly sent off to defend their countries, others are grown-up and ready to do what they must. Four teens, Francis, Madeline, Alfred, and a new British boy, Arthur, experience friendship, love, and tragedy while maturing in the war they are forced to fight. AU.
1. I: The Meeting

**A/N: Hello, readers! Thank you very very much for picking my story out of 66,000 others, I really truly appreciate it. Now, onto the story. I'm not going to tell you anything about pairings yet, you'll find that out later. ;) You probably hate me, don't you. Well, I promise, you'll be satisfied if you stick with me! Oh, before I quit babbling, a special thank-you goes to Rizu Roraito, my awesome beta reader. She's a great author, I recommend checking out her stories. Anyway, _Hetalia_ does not belong to me, but my storyline does. Thank you for your time, I hope you enjoy this story! :)**

**EDIT: Hello, once again, audience! I've decided to change dear Canada to a lady, because I think she's adorable and I wanted one homosexual pair and one heterosexual pair to balance everything. Bear with me, thank you all very much! Please read and review, it would be very kind of you. :)**

The year is 1770, which was truly a turbulent time to be here in America. Talk of independence is driving me mad. They say we're on the verge of a war, but I refuse to believe in this fact.

I moved here because my family moved here, as a boy of seventeen doesn't have much say in the matter of familial location. Immediately after moving into our house, my mother disproved of my reading a book indoors, she persuaded me to step outside and socialize. That was something I did not do well. Home in England, I was a social outcast. All of the other boys left me to my own devices. Even the girls I fancied kept their distance. After all, why bother a man when he's in the middle of a novel?

I permitted myself to have ten minutes of outdoors time, then blame my lack of social activity on the small population of the neighborhood and the fact that no one was outside. This was a lie, of course, as there were plenty of other children outside, albeit being at least five or more years my junior. I abruptly guided myself away from the social scene, instead comfortably sitting in a reclusive alley, waiting for the allotted ten minutes to pass.

Unexpectedly, another head of blonde hair raced into the alley. He was giggling like a giddy schoolgirl, taunting whoever was chasing him. "You'll never find me, fools!" He ducked behind a stack of boxes that lay untouched beside me, waiting for the poor lad who was victimized by his teasing.

Soon after, two other blondes pounded down the alley. "Ha, go on your merry way convincing yourself that I'm slower than you!" the longer-haired boy teased sarcastically in a very thick French accent. "Alfred, you know we can tell where you are by the sound of your voice, right?" answered a quiet voice, small and timid.

Finally, this "Alfred" emerged from his spot behind the boxes, a defeated frown shot in the direction of his companions. "Alright, fine. You found me." He then began to walk towards his companions, completely forgetting that he was directly behind me and a stack of boxes. Tripping over himself, he knocked the boxes over, all of them landing in a pile on top of me. He tripped yet again and collapsed, falling on the mass of wooden containers that had already trapped me.

I was infuriated. A good temper was not in my fiery nature, so I let myself explode on the unfortunate soul. "You clumsy _git_! Did you not notice that _there was a person_ beneath those _bloody boxes_?" I stood to scold him, throwing the cartons back into his face as I screeched. I still ached from everything, including his weight, tumbling down on me.

Turning briefly, I noticed the other two teenagers laughing. My vehemence extended to them, so I stormed towards them and tried to teach them a lesson. "It is _in no way funny! _What if _I _was to top _you_ with heavy boxes _and_ my own weight, hmm?" I yelled. They continued to laugh, doubled over in their stupidity. Even that other idiot boy was howling with glee. I didn't comprehend why they would find my petrifying rage amusing. In England, it frightened everyone away. Maybe it was another bizarre aspect to American Culture I had yet to learn about?

"Look, I apologize for barreling into you, but you are seriously hysterical!" one boy approached me, grabbing my shoulder for support as he continued to moronically hoot.

"Get off of me! And how am I 'hysterical?'" I interrogated, trying to look directly into his eyes, but he refused to get up.

With a sigh, the boy stood upright and faced me. "I mean your anger. Your anger was really amusing!" he started to giggle again, but quickly stopped himself from releasing any more laughter.

"And _how _exactly would my anger be _amusing _to you?" I inquired, growing increasingly more annoyed with each laugh he and his stupid friends emitted.

"You simply _blew up! _I've never seen anyone get so angry so quickly! Look at yourself, you're the color of a ripe tomato!" all three of them continued in their merriment, marveling at and poking fun at my scarlet coloration.

"Now tell me, _Mon __ami_, what is your name?" the French youth momentarily calmed himself to ask me the question.

"Arthur Kirkland. What would your names be?" I tried to calm myself as well, as a way to rid my face of the deep red palette it had adopted.

"The French boy is Francis Bonnefoy, the girl is Madeline, my kid sister, and I am Alfred F. Jones, hiding extraordinaire!" the boy who had so carelessly crashed into me introduced himself, changing his stance to a pose likened to statues of Greek Gods, trying to impress me with his supposedly extraordinary prowess.

"How wonderful. You're even more immature than I originally thought." I sneered; my level of maturity was obviously higher than theirs. I swear, if they didn't physically look to be my age, I would have deemed them children.

"Matthew is sixteen, I'm seventeen, and Francis is eighteen. We are still young, why waste time trying to act like an adult?" Alfred's philosophy made me cringe a bit.

"You are meant to grow up sometime. I already have. Childhood is but a phase I endured in the past now." I replied, attempting to rid Alfred of his childish attitude. I stacked a few boxes on top of each other and made a sort of throne for myself.

"Then I guess I'll have to drag you down to our level!" Alfred grinned at me, eager to find yet another group member to join their pack.

"There is no possible way in heaven or hell that I will allow myself to stoop so low as to rank among the likes of you in level of maturity, chap." I insulted with my normally snide tone.

"Ohoho, we shall see." Francis chuckled with his most peculiar laugh. The three boys exchanged mutual glances, and Madeline moved forward to speak to me on my throne.

"Well, are you going to join us? We would be overjoyed if you accepted our offer of friendship!" Madeline proposed. She was a pleasant young woman, nothing like that hooligan of a brother she had.

"No." I snapped. I did not want to be involved with that bunch of fools.

Madeline turned away, looking rejected and hurt. I felt a twinge of guilt for being so blunt with such an amicable girl.

"If you don't accept our wonderful offer, who else do you have? You don't seem like the kind of boy who would be quite popular with anyone…ladies, gentlemen…." Francis ironically affronted me as I was being presented a pact of friendship.

"I take offense to that." I scowled. I already took a strong disliking to this one.

Thinking for a moment, I realized that my mother had wanted me to make a friend in another youth my age. If I didn't she would be very disappointed in her failure of a son. Conflicted internally, I mustered my bravery and gave my answer.

"Oh…fine! Alright! I'll do it! But only because my mother wishes for me to acquaint myself with other people." I gave into their pleas, much to my chagrin and their excitement.

"I'm absolutely sure that you will love being in our group!" Alfred's smile was perky, as were those of his two comrades. They were undeniably ecstatic to accept me into their cluster of friendship.

Returning home after a period that lasted _much_ longer than ten minutes, my mother was more than pleased that I had made a few friends.

Lying in bed that night, I pondered my decision. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to have a friend that was existent, and not the fantasy creatures that so frequently occupied my dreams or text on the pages of my favorite books. Still, that Alfred boy was certainly annoying, that Francis boy was most definitely someone I would grow to hate, and Madeline….well, she was too quiet for me to really bond with. I wondered what would be in store pertaining to my escapades with my new "friends."

**A/N: Updates will hopefully be a weekly occurrence. Schoolwork has to be done, so the date of the week I'm most likely going to update on will be Wednesdays. Thank you! **


	2. II: Reckless Escapades

**A/N: Hello, everyone! Now, if you've seen this story before, and didn't re-read the first chapter (it was edited), I've changed Matthew to Madeline to balance the pairings, so your next "clue" is that there is a homosexual pair and a heterosexual pair. Thank you everyone! Please read and review, I would appreciate it very much.**

CHAPTER TWO

It was, to say the very least, interesting being friends with that group of hooligans. Our adventures primarily included running through the city with reckless abandon, not even caring that we were nearly grown men and would be possibly shipped away to defend our respective countries soon.

"Alfred, slow down! I can't keep up with you!" I huffed, bending over to catch my breath.

Alfred's joyous sprint was paused momentarily. He came over to where I was standing and began to mock me for my stamina, or lack thereof. "Ha! Arthur, you're a woman in a boy's body, I swear!"

"I am most certainly not!" I cried angrily, verifying my argument with a blow to his chest. Straightaway, I felt guilty, for he lost air and began to cough. Instinctively, I moved towards him to make sure that I had not hurt him.

"Well, I guess I was wrong, then." Alfred sourly admitted. "Still, you've got absolutely no stamina my friend." Before I could formulate a satirical reply, I was slung over his muscular shoulder and carried, which was comparable to a damsel in distress. It was rather humiliating, having all of these townspeople staring at a man carrying another screaming man on his shoulders.

"Alfred Frederick Jones, put me down!" I squawked and cursed him when he would not relent. Instead, he tittered at my embarrassment. I was surprised at how strong he was, Alfred being able to carry me a rather long distance.

It was quite nice to catch a brief rest from sprinting….well, it would be better if his bum weren't in my face.

Of course, when we reached our standard meeting space, in that same slight alley I had met my friends; Francis had something to say about the situation.

"Ohohon, Arthur! You are getting quite the view of his derriere, aren't you?" he giggled.

"Shut up, frog. I didn't ask for your commentary!" I yelled back at him. As he always did, he slunk over to Madeline with that taunting grin at his supposedly "clever" remark.

"I don't think we should fight…" piped Madeline. She was the one who resolved the common conflicts that occurred between Francis and me so frequently. You could say she was the Peacekeeper of our little circle.

"I say we go into town and dine together at a tavern! What do you say?" Alfred boomed. He was the one who came up with the "bright" ideas that got us into trouble most of the time. On the extraordinarily rare occasion, he did have an idea that I quite liked, but I kept my opinions to myself.

"I like this idea, Alfred." Madeline agreed. Madeline would always agree with Alfred. Alfred would drag her around through all of his plans and ideas, the poor girl. Well, it is understandable, as they are twins.

"I agree with Madeleine." Francis spoke. He was quite close to Madeline, never straying too far from her. Honestly, Madeline was closer to Francis than she was to her own brother. Those two were inseparable.

"Arthur?" Alfred pleaded with his eyes.

"That's fine." I complied. I was starting to get a little hungry.

"Well, that's great, because you are the one paying!" Alfred laughed. I couldn't tell if he was joking or serious, he was always laughing about something.

"That had better be a joke, or I am going to hurt you." I threatened. His boisterous laughter told me otherwise. Rolling my eyes, I walked alongside them to the center of town, towards a tavern of Alfred's choice.

As soon as we had situated ourselves in a secluded table in the corner of the establishment, and we had placed our orders, the four of us began to discuss a plethora of scatterbrained topics.

"What if we had magical powers like the characters in storybooks?" Alfred questioned innocently. I internally swore that Alfred was merely a boy of five trapped in a seventeen-year-old body. His questions were quite…odd. They ranged anywhere from the meaning of love to if the world were run by goblins. I chuckled at his childlike naiveté.

"I would worry so much about you, Alfred. Who knows what moronic activities you would participate in with your powers?" I teased. His next answer differed from what I expected.

"I would save the entire world and become earth's hero. I would free America from Britain, I would make sure everyone had money, food, and housing, I would solve every single problem there is to solve." His face was deadly serious as he told me of his goals.

"That would be so wonderful." Francis said pensively.

"I would live in a world as peaceful as that." Madeline followed suit, a dreamy look in her eyes as she pondered the topic. I could tell that all three were forming a vision of this "perfect" world in their imaginative minds.

Well, it was time for me to stop the fun.

"That would certainly be pleasing, but it will get you nowhere to sit around and hope for your hopelessly idealistic dreams to come true." I snapped, quickly able to change their meditative expressions to hurt ones.

"What is the point of pursing a dream if you don't have one in the first place?" Alfred queried me, looking directly into my eye. It was slightly uncomfortable at first, then I brusquely noticed the lovely hue of blue Alfred's eyes possessed, temporarily forgetting to answer his rhetorical question.

"Boys, I think we should save this for later." Madeline chimed in. No later than her statement was made, our drinks were placed on the table. Madeline and Francis shared a mutual adoration for chocolate, Alfred purchased coffee (which I found bitter and revolting), and I helped myself to a small cup of tea, earning many accusatory glares of scorn from both strangers and my friends.

Our conversations turned from argumentative to lighthearted in a stunningly brief amount of time. My three friends spent the rest of our visit laughing and chattering as I sat quietly and observed their childish behavior. A sliver of my being wanted to join their circle of chortles, but the majority of my conscience instructed me to remain mature; I was, after all, the one who would assist them in growing up.

Before I realized it, nighttime was upon us, thus we hurriedly paid the tavern and scampered outside, worried about the chastisement we would receive from our guardians.

Madeline and Alfred lived together, and Francis was their next-door-neighbor. All three lived close to town, so they were taken home first. Alfred wasn't pleased with the idea of me strolling the entire way home, so he offered to walk with me for a short while to ensure my safe return. For the rest of the jog, Alfred and I silently competed to see which of us would reach halfway to my home in the least amount of time. Wordlessly, our feet pounded the streets as the sky blackened, but we raced breathlessly onward.

Alfred eventually won our unspoken race. After a smug glance was directed at me, it changed to something more friendly; a smile. He grinned at me, as if we had not been friends for a brief two-month period, but for years. Friends didn't exist for me in England. I had one friend once, but we were only friends because our parents forced our socialization with each other. Sure, he had smiled once or twice, but it was nothing like Alfred's. Alfred's grin was infectious. The reason for that was that it was a silly smile, it made him look foolish, but it was, at the same time, endearing.

I returned his smile, albeit gracelessly, as he walked back to his residence. To my luck, it began to pour as I walked home alone.

I admit; I did feel lonely with no one to guide me or to converse with, and with no protection against the raging storm. To solve the problem, I occupied myself with the memory of that comical smile of Alfred's. Every time I recalled it, I smirked to myself and snickered. My friend had such an awkward, yet charming, grin.

As for the rain…well, I made do with my coat.


	3. III Moronic Mistakes

CHAPTER THREE:

Much to my surprise, Alfred and I grew even closer through a mutual experience: being outcasts. He told me that the children at his school were terrible to him, poking fun at his animated manner of speech, at his pesky cowlick atop his head, and at the choices he made in his friendships. I didn't think this story was believable, as he was a very personable individual. He proved it to me in January as I bore witness to many verbal attacks thrown at him and myself, the majority thrown at me consisting of derision of my eyebrows.

Even with those morons abusing him, Alfred brushed it off and grinned. Every time he beamed at me, I smiled back. I was more than a little proud of him for being so brave. In fact, he was so chivalrous that he not only protected himself from those aggressors, he guarded me intensely, preventing any sort of harm from coming my way. For that, I was especially grateful.

After school finished for the week, we would often go to the secluded alley that our circle of friends frequented. On the rare occasion, Alfred and I would have the entire alley to ourselves. I wouldn't admit it out loud, but I enjoyed those few times we would be able to sit and chat without Francis bursting in with yet another harebrained statement or Madeline sitting awkwardly and making the state of affairs uncomfortable.

"Arthur?" Alfred asked me, kicking rocks around as he did so.

"What is it?" I answered.

"I was just wondering...are you hurt by what those other boys say to you?" He paused in his little game and looked at me, honest concern in his gaze.

"No. No Alfred, I assure you, I am not." I directly denied the question, knowing full well that I would be considered pathetic for admitting the truth. Those statements made by my classmates did leave an aching sting. I knew there was nothing I could do to the brow on my forehead. I was born with it, but it seemed to be a feeble excuse to pardon me from the victimization.

"Oh, come, Artie, I know that's not the truth." Alfred placed a box next to me and sat, looking in my eyes to pry for what he wanted. It was a feat he performed with excellent execution, and it worked all too well on me.

"You asked the question, you received your answer." I turned away, crossing my arms defiantly.

"I feel as though I'm not getting the correct information." Alfred persisted, moving closer.

"Would you care to explain why exactly you persevere?" I snapped, thoroughly annoyed with him.

"It's because I care, Arthur."

The statement made an impact on me. It may have seemed to be such a trivial thing, this statement, but at last I had assurance that someone worried about me, that someone fretted over my emotions.

"You do know that I'm going to bother you until you give in, right?" Alfred spoke as he childishly poked my back repeatedly.

I knew in my mind what he was saying was total truth, so I decided to face it and come forward with my answer. "Alright, quit pestering me! It does hurt when others ridicule my brow. It is something I cannot change; why rub it in even further?" I voiced my emotions to him. Alfred may be one of the most infuriating people on the earth, but he is a fantastic listener.

"Your brow does not to define you, Artie. You are a wonderful person. Those boys are too shallow to see it as I do. I'm thankful that I have had the opportunity to befriend you." Alfred smiled empathetically. Those words and that smile made me feel incredible, but another sign of vulnerability would be admission.

"You sound like my mother, Alfred!" I joked. What, a little teasing never hurts anyone, does it?

"Did you understand the intent behind my message?" After his words, I wanted nothing more than to take my own back. I seemed foolish!

"Of course I did, and I would like to thank you."

He grinned that endearing little grin and embraced me. In actuality, I wished to fully return the embrace, but my instincts forbade me from doing such. Instead I sat, stiff as a fencepost, as his muscular arms encircled me.

I wasn't entirely sure at the moment how to define the feeling I experienced. It was a mixture of elation, want, but most prominently, confusion.

I was not sure what to do about my feelings, so there I sat, completely still in what could have been a very heartfelt hold between best friends.

"Well, since you're going to be unresponsive, I'm afraid I have to go home. My mother needs help around the house." Alfred chuckled lightheartedly, rolling his eyes.

"Have a pleasant afternoon, Alfred. Oh, and thank you." I told him goodbye, unflinching and somewhat emotionless in my delivery.

"You're welcome. I am here if you need me at all." Alfred smiled and ran off towards home. I remained there in the alley, contemplating my emotions.

First, I thought about Alfred.

_Well, he's a pleasure for the eyes. He's muscular, tall, mildly handsome, and comes from a fine family. I'd say he will be a quite desirable bachelor for a fortunate lady one day…that is, when he grows up…I thought. _These thoughts lead me to consider his personality.

_God, I don't think that boy will ever grow up. But I think I enjoy it when he acts like a child. There's something about it that's almost..._ I realized what I was thinking._ Stop it, Arthur, no! He isn't adorable! Don't tell yourself that. Anyway, back to the original thoughts. Well, Alfred may be the most irritating human being on the surface of the planet earth, but there's something about that infuriating frustration that is so…charming._

My eyes widened.

My entire body stiffened.

I knew exactly what this emotion was.

But the problem was that I couldn't confirm it.

Sadly, the only person whom I was completely confident would have the answer had an alarming knack of exasperating me: Francis. I knew there were no other feasible options, so the only possible way to assure myself that my prediction was correct would be to visit him.

Groaning, I composed myself and walked down the road to my…friend's house.

**Francis' Point of View**

It was most definitely a surprise to see Arthur at my door. I never expected him to want to visit me! Though I couldn't say it was quite as pleasant as hoped for…

"Francis. We need to talk." Arthur stormed into my house, furious about something. As far as I could tell, I had not done anything recently that would annoy him (though it was something I took pleasure in).

"What do you need, mon ami?" I pulled two chairs from my dining table, directly across from each other. As we sat to speak, I swear, his jade glare burned fire into my eyes.

"I truly don't want to do this, but I know you, and you're my only viable option." He spoke in a low and deadly serious tone. It worried me some, to think of what he was talking about.

"Your tone is frightening, Arthur. What exactly do you require of me?" I leaned back slightly in my seat for comfort reasons. He leaned forward, that angry frown still formed on his (huge) brow.

"I'm not intending to plan a murder, Francis!" he sneered. I was relieved at his statement, though it was a bit rude in its delivery.

"It's just…I've felt this strange emotion. I have no way of telling what it is….well, actually, I think I know exactly what it is, but I know that you would be able to clarify." Arthur confessed. His wording was undoubtedly confusing, but I went along to the best of my ability.

"Oh? Well, can you describe it to me?"

"See, I think of h-this person a lot. H-They infiltrate my brain and it's impossible to get them out." Arthur looked down at his lap while addressing me. I had never seen him so…unsure and nervous. It created anxiety in the environment, which I disliked.

"Hmm. Could you elaborate, Arthur? Describe the person." I propped my head on my elbow, knowing where this was going to lead, but wanted to hear the words come from his mouth.

"Well, the person is the most maddening human known to man. But there's a strange quality about them that is so…delightful. I can't narrow down how exactly it affects me, but it does have an effect. This person is also not themost stunning person on the globe, but in my eyes no other person compares. The person is very childish, but I find it to be sweet. God, Francis, what on earth are my feelings doing to me?" Arthur squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. The words I heard told me exactly what was troubling him; it was as clear as the day.

"Ohohon, Arthur, you are in love!" I laughed. The expression of shock on his face was truly priceless!

"L-love?! Oh God, no, this can't be true…" Arthur stood up and paced, mumbling under his breath.

"So, who is the lucky lady?" I queried. Well, if I was going to help him, I had to know who she was!

His face turned a shade of blood red as he raced out of the house. This confused me, why would he come here to ask me about amour, then run out of my house as if a ghost is chasing him? I wanted to know who the (unfortunate) girl was…

Walking to the living room, I took a seat on the loveseat to contemplate the situation.

"What happened with Arthur?"

I hadn't even noticed that Madeline was in the room. She strode over to me and took her place to my left.

"It appears, ma chéri, that Arthur is in love," I told her. Still, she was not mollified.

"What was wrong with him? Why did he storm away?" she asked.

"He didn't know he was in love, and he won't give me his love's identity," I sighed. Madeline leaned against my shoulder, making my pulse beat rapidly.

"Why does love have to be so complicated, Francis? Can't you just tell someone you love them?" Madeline looked at me with innocent eyes.

Some people are so naïve and oblivious that it hurts you.

"Madeline, no one wants experience the heartbreak of unrequited love. Some people will be brave and confess, but the heartbreak you feel at the inevitable refutation can be unbearable," I explained. Madeline nodded and continued to quietly lean on my side.

What she was unaware of was that the explanation was given from personal experience.

**Arthur's Point of View**

I spent weeks in isolation, pacing and pondering the information I was given. I had never really loved someone before, with the exception of my family.

_Well think about it for a minute, Arthur. Why exactly _do_ you love him so much?_

_He's charming, I find him attractive, adorable, and kind. Oh My God, I really am in love with him._

I wasn't sure how to take this news. It was fantastic that I had finally fallen in love, but with another male? Alfred?! No no no, this couldn't be possible. Marriage existed between a man and a woman, and that applied to love, too.

Still, that did not gratify my emotions. I was urged to confess, but I doubted that Alfred would ever return my feelings.

For a few weeks after my isolation ended, I observed all of Alfred's behavior towards me to search for clues to any signs of affection.

From the casual embraces to the kind words to the slinging me over his shoulder like a potato sack, I was fully convinced that he felt some level of emotions towards me.

So that was when I decided to admit my troubles to him.

I was aware that it might be a stupid plan, but love makes you do insane things, doesn't it? And I was in love, so why not take advantage of it while I could?

I burst into Alfred's house later that night, my confidence teeming. He looked visibly taken aback by my unexpected visit, but I didn't even care. The look of astonishment turned to his normal vicarious smile as he walked over to greet me.

"Alfred, there's something I need to tell you." I walked closer to him, his brow upturned in confusion.

"Alright, but let's move to the living room, it's too cold in here." He skipped into the living room and sat on the couch.

I composed myself, mustered my nerve, and confessed what I wanted to say.

"I love you."

He shook his head, asking me to repeat myself.

"I love you, Alfred. I'm in love with you."

I did not expect what occurred next.

He backed away, his face contorted into a mixture of anger and pure disgust.

"That is repulsive. I'm surprised at you, Arthur! Leave my house, I do not want to talk to you again!" he yelled at me, still maintaining his disgusted face.

My heart tore itself into pieces. I ran out of the house, the door slamming behind me amplifying the final sound.

Running home felt as if it took an eternity. I wanted to feel strong, not like a vulnerable child. But the tears wouldn't stop themselves. I tried my hardest, but his reply was so cruel and unexpected that I felt horrible pain, and my crying was uncontrollable.

When I reached home, all I could bring myself to do was curl into a fetal position and sleep. I didn't cry anymore, but I couldn't bear to remind myself of my stupid mistake.

**A/N: Hello! I apologize for the lateness and the fast pace of the story, but it' happening for a reason, I promise! But now I've given you hints to the pairings! Thank you for reading, and tune in next time for the fourth installment of "Vicissitude!"**


	4. IV: Shock and Surprise

**A/N: Hello! I am so sorry for the delay, I wanted to make sure everything was picture-perfect before I posted. Everyone has been so busy with the start of school that it's nearly impossible for me to write everything with all of my homework. **

**Special thank-you to the two most wonderful betas on the internet; Rizu Roraito and Princess Twila! I appreciate your work with me and I am very grateful for it.**

**Also, another thank-you to hetaliahighs-and-lows for critiquing my chapters. You should follow them on tumblr, they are extremely amusing and they're great at reviewing fanfictions!**

**Disclaimer: Hetalia and all of its lovely characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya, not to me. **

**CHAPTER FOUR**

I realized somewhere in the course of the next few weeks that I had taken everything far too fast. I must not have been in love with Alfred after all. Maybe that confession was just a burst of adrenaline that caused me to act upon my emotional instincts so quickly…I did not want to bring myself to believe that this was truth. I willed myself to believe that the fact that I may have ever loved Alfred F. Jones (or thought that I did), or that I confessed this "love" to him and in return received a declaration of hatred, was a lie. I wanted so terribly for everything to be a dream, fabricated in sleep, and that I would wake to a new day, a different day, one where I didn't love Alfred F. Jones.

No.

It was never a dream, it was all too real. I realized that this idealistic wish was senseless, and sat up in bed to face reality.

Worst of all, I still loved Alfred F. Jones.

_No, you don't. You are not in love with another male, Arthur. You are not in love with him! He is a man, you are a man, it is not appropriate. _I tormented myself, covering the wounds I had received from this heartbreak with this lie. I strained exceedingly to convince myself that I did not love him.

I acted the part of a fully heterosexual man, and pretended to continue living without any internal turmoil whatsoever.

I required myself to flirt with the ladies of the town. All of them responded well to my charms, and found me reasonably attractive. (What can I say? I pride myself on my appearance.) I even attended a town ball with one lady, who was very appealing, but was not very enthralling or bright.

Generally, these women did not interest me in the _slightest_. The only reason I even _attempted_ to court them was to appease my parents. I was to marry soon; they wanted me to marry a girl as long as she was reasonably attractive and fairly wealthy. It astonished me that my family didn't even want me to marry for love.

I had just finished my brief outing with a girl named Monika. She was far too unyielding, but was not cruel. I grew easily uninterested with her, and spent the next uncomfortable hour looking at the rain-spattered window, at my reflection in my tea, and at her rather splendid blue eyes.

_They remind me of Alfred's. His eyes were such an electrifying blue, too….NO! Arthur, stop yourself! You're thinking of him in that way again! _I silently screamed at myself. It had become routine. I would see something, _anything_; it would somehow lead me to Alfred…stupid, beautiful Alfred.

The outing with Monika ended, and I returned home after another monotonous day of forced socialization. I felt so helpless. I knew there was absolutely nothing to be changed of the past; I knew I had no choice of who I was to marry.

_God, when will I ever escape oppression? _I questioned as I collapsed onto my bed, a small piece of heaven away from the burden of this tense civilization.

For the first time in a very, _very_ long time, I felt sincerely lonely. I wanted _anyone_ to talk with.

Obviously, Alfred was cancelled out, which was horribly disappointing. Normally, if I were feeling upset, he would be the one person who lifted my spirits. I missed him so…

Madeline was not very talkative at all. She was wonderfully nice, but she wasn't the kind to really _help_ you. Besides, I would guess she would side with her twin brother regarding the situation between him and myself.

That left only one person; Francis.

Oh good God, why was it always _Francis?_

I had no desire to meet with that slimy, arrogant, annoying git. It wasn't just because he was a Frenchman (though that was a very prominent factor), he was the one person I could not stand to be within ten feet of for more than a minute at a time. From his manner of speech in that horribly thick French accent to his unnecessarily flamboyant hand motions, I despised the man.

I let a groan slip past my lips and stood up once again. I informed my mother of my plans to visit Francis, and she seemed pleased knowing that I had actual friends. She was completely oblivious to everything else but the fact that I conversed with other people besides my "imaginary friends."

I walked out of the front door and down the streets, dreading the meeting I was to attend. _Why Francis? _I moaned silently.

When I reached his house and rapped the door, he looked surprised once again to see me. Well, it isn't an everyday occurrence that the person you dislike intensely turns up on your doorstep looking for sympathy!

"Francis, may I please talk to you for a while?" I asked with my head lowered, unable to meet his eyes. I had completely forgotten that he must have surely heard everything of my rumored sexuality.

His answer, to say the least, was unexpected.

"Of course, come in, come in." He invited me inside. I upturned my brow in suspicion, but entered anyways.

I sat in the same table that we had conversed last time, when I had come to him for advice. This second time was more casual, less urgent, though more awkward and uncomfortable than any previous meetings.

"Francis, did you hear about what happened?" I stated quickly. Surely the topic would appear in conversation, I wanted to end it quickly.

"Of course I did. Do you not remember that little Alfred has no filter at all?" Francis scolded. I couldn't tell if the glare he gave me was one of contempt or one of disappointment at my apparent stupidity.

"I am sorry; I took everything too fast and allowed myself to believe my feelings, which were purely spontaneous." My head was still unable to lift itself to meet his eyes. I knew somehow they would be staring fire at me.

"Yes, yes you did. If you were going to tell him, you should have at least stayed to tell me! I would have told you what to do!" Francis cried. His arms flung around in outlandish gestures as he yelled, standing up from the table and pacing as he did so.

"Wait…you are aware that Alfred is _male_, right?" I widened my eyes at him in confusion.

"Yes, and that's completely bizarre that you love him!"

His argument made no sense to me.

"So here you are, telling me I should have stayed behind to tell you that I, Arthur Kirkland, am a _homosexual?_"

"Yes, that is exactly what I was saying! _Why did you not tell me?!"_

"I was afraid, you insufferable git! Do you not understand the paralyzing fear I had when I figured out I _loved another man? How in the hell was I supposed to tell you?_"

"I understand fear more than you ever will, Arthur! Do you know how mortally _terrified_ I am to tell Madeline that I love her? I've wanted to tell her for the past five years of my life, but every time I open my mouth to say it, nothing comes out!"

"Madeline is a woman! Alfred is a man! There is a _huge_ difference! Homosexuality is a _sin_, and I am so unlucky as to be a possible perpetrator! If I told you, you could have told the town about me, you could have laughed and condemned me_, I could have been ruined_!"

"You never gave me a chance! Sure, you run off and confess to Alfred about how much you love him using _your own judgment of what is appropriate! _You never asked me for advice, you didn't stay, you were a coward and sprinted from my house, never giving me a chance to-"

His arguments frustrated me to no end. Francis babbled on, and there came a point where I could not stand his words any longer.

My hands tightly gripped his face, crushing our mouths together so as to silence his argument.

I took in every detail in that moment. Francis lips were...odd. His lips were slightly chapped, far less feminine than any pair of lips I had kissed, and tasted faintly sweet. The small amount of stubble on his chin tickled mine. It was an odd feeling...a queer feeling...I wasn't sure if I liked it or loathed it.

Francis was so shocked he went into a state of near paralysis. The least I expected from him in that moment was a harsh slap to the face, but instead he was more tolerant than I would have guessed. He did not move himself, instead allowing me to kiss him.

After an indeterminate amount of time, the kiss was broken, and we shared a mutual inability to meet each other in the eye.

Finally, it was Francis who broke the awkward silence that followed. "Well…that was…interesting…." He spoke quietly, rubbing his lips as if to wipe the memory of mine away.

"Yes…definitely…" I replied, still unable to look up at him. At last, after a period of approximately a minute, I sprung up and grabbed him by the collar.

"You will tell no one of this. Do you understand, frog?" I ordered vehemently. Francis nodded, frightened by my sudden breaking of the silence, and I gave him another brief peck on the lips.

Sitting back down on the edge of the table, I tried to analyze everything that had just happened.

A thought worried me in this moment. _Am I falling in love with him? _Still connected through the lips, I analyzed everything that was occurring.

_Well...it's not a terrible kiss. Of course, it is your first kiss with another male, so it's obviously strange. But do I like it? _There was a tumbling sensation in my stomach, but I did not feel lightheaded or as if I were on a cloud. No, not at all. _This felt...good. But it would be so exhilarating with Alfred..._

"Francis...I...I now fully believe myself...to be homosexual." I spat the words out with much difficulty. A wave of relief coursed through my veins. At last, I no longer had to conceal my true colors myself from the entire world! But I didn't know how to continue. How was I to mask my sexuality from those who would outcast me? "But how on earth will I live with this?" I turned to Francis for advice, something I never imagined myself doing in my entire_ life._

"Well, Arthur, do not be worried. As long as you are not so…_open_ about this, you will not have troubles. I doubt that Alfred will appreciate you barging in and kissing him without warning." Francis answered, still appearing shell-shocked from my unexpected method of ending our argument.

"I know that, Francis, it is common sense! But how am I going to talk to Alfred? I can't bear the thought that he absolutely hates me."

"A fight must be resolved with an apology. Go to his house and talk to him. Don't tell him you…like men; just apologize for being so forward with him."

"I will…thank you Francis!" I nearly flew out of the door once again, but I realized I had yet to apologize for….er…._amorously silencing_ Francis.

"Oh...Francis? I'm sorry for….you know…." I scratched my neck uncomfortably, slightly embarrassed. His forgiving smile and nod gave me the approval I needed, and I set off for Alfred's house, slightly happier than I had been when I came.

The journey home was mainly occupied by my daydreams. I couldn't help but smile hopelessly at the thought of kissing Alfred the way I kissed Francis. Envisioning it in my head only made me crave it more. I dreamed about how perfect it could be.

Somewhere inside of the rational portion of my brain, I knew that it would never happen as long as I was alive. Unfortunately, that did not stop me from wistfully dreaming of something that I knew I could not have.

I had no idea that there was someone watching nearly the entire period of time I was at Francis' house.

**Madeline's Point of View**

I saw what occurred when no one was expecting an audience. See, I frequently walk to Francis' house to spend time with him. There rarely comes a time when I am not willing to speak with him, and he seems to enjoy my company as much as I enjoy his.

From the middle of the argument, I was hidden inside of the kitchen. I had been in the back of the house, which was connected through the kitchen to the main room. When I heard arguing, I had to come and see what was happening. I lifted my head above my hiding place in time to see the kiss… that stupid kiss!

My heart had never felt so broken before. I was merely angry when Arthur, who I thought was my friend, kissed Francis. I was shocked, hurt, _and_ heartbroken when Francis, the boy I had loved for so long, actually kissed him back! _He kissed him back!_

I had never seen something so disgusting in my life. The two of them, kissing each other, not even aware that I was there!

After they broke apart, and I remained paralyzed in horror, Arthur admitted something that very nearly made my heart stop and fall from my chest. He confessed to homosexuality!_ Homosexuality_!

My heart tore itself apart in agonizing realization. My love would forever be unrequited. It was was ripped away from me...by that disgusting man! Arthur wanted Francis for himself...that selfish, miscreant_ mongrel_ never thought of me!

Seeing as they were so…erm…._distracted_, I took the opportunity to run out of the door.

I pounded the pavement with my quick feet, tears blurring my already terrible vision. I tried my very best not to cry in front of the world, but I couldn't help myself. A few tears streamed their way down my face, and when I arrived in my room, I dropped to my knees beside my bed and bawled until my eyes held no more tears.

I felt a painful twinge in my chest at the memory of what had happened. Was I not beautiful enough for him? Was I too quiet? Or did I never show my emotions correctly?

_Maybe he never loved me in the fist place…_

I cried even more than I thought I thought possible for me that night. I crumpled on the floor, so overcome with emotion that I spent my night with my head in my arms on top of my bed, bawling until I was certain my eyes would fall from their sockets. Somehow I was lulled to sleep, my choking sobs serving as a melody, becoming fainter as the water drowned me in my desolation.


End file.
